Standing Still with Someone

Puffin the Astrodog

All around me people are moving towards something - a better job, more flexibility, a better vocabulary, another passport stamp, etc. Somewhere in the past few weeks, I stopped moving and I am standing still. I love learning a new language but I wonder when will I use it after I have left. I love my yoga studio, but I wonder why am I in a heated room and not in a headstand (I miss Sivananda)? I stopped asking questions because I stopped having answers. People ask me when I am coming home or where I am going next and I have no answer. Why don't I ask myself these questions? Am I just standing still, pretending to be moving forward? I think in a way I am keeping my mind busy so that I don't have to answer these questions.

Whenever I do ask these questions, I open my notebook and read what I wrote back in February when I visited a Pandit (yes, I have one, and yes, I trust him, and yes, I paid for his guidance). He assured me that I need to travel for reason because the way the planets are lined up, this is the time for me to grow, learn and take risks...especially with my heart.

So I take a Thai class, sign up for another type of yoga and am living with a significant other. This is the biggest risk I have done to date - here I am, living in Bangkok, with a guy I hardly know and his miniature Pincher, Puffy. All because he asked me to stay and I said yes. The Romantic optimist inside of me said yes. I said "Yes!" No thought, no reason, just "YES!" Truth is that I still believe in fairy tales and even though all around me love is broken, I see love everywhere. Even to write this, I feel vulnerable, but it's true - everything is full of love around me. Really I am not sure what will happen, if we are right for each other, how things will play out, but I am hopeful and open and am learning so much from this little thing called "sharing a space" that so many people take for granted. I really believe that this will be the most important thing that I learn during my entire travel. How to grow happily alone and with someone while not becoming attached. Is this even possible? I think so. There is so much to learn about the people around us. Thich Naht Hahn eloquently and precisely wrote, "How can we expect to know the person beside us, if scientists can't even describe what a particle of dust is?"

Some things I have learned -

1. Take up another activity that the two of you don't share. "Hmm, what do we both not like to do? Maybe I should try fly fishing?"
2. Know when to be there and when to step back. "Honey, looks like you could use some alone time. I am going fly fishing for the weekend....in Iran."
3. Don't look through pictures - do you really want to see your current boyfriend happily snuggling with another girl? "Um...exactly how many girlfriends have you had?" The truth is we know that we've been with other people, but do we really need to?
4. Be friends with his ex girlfriend. I mean if they are friends, why can't you be friends too? "Wow, your ex-girlfriend is intelligent, beautiful and has a great personality. Why exactly are you not dating again?"
5. No jealousy. EVER. Try. Jealousy kills happiness. It's the worst emotion of all. "Ah, you aren't dating her because you just aren't right for each other, but I, on the other hand, am all those things and then some, right?" Plus it's definitely a good sign to know that your current boyfriend knows how to choose women. Why would you want your boyfriend to have crazy ex-girlfriends? I mean what does that say about the kind of girls he attracts (hellloooo, aka you).
6. Learn how each other communicates non-verbally. Maybe he does things for you to show he cares, but doesn't tell you how ridiculously gorgeous you are, but to him, he is saying that by changing your tires. You get the idea.
7. This is important - Know which battles to fight. Ours - Flush the toilet even if it means wasting another gallon of water. Apparently some guys aren't into saving the world when it comes to yellow toilet water. I, on the other hand, say "if its yellow, let it mellow" but in this case, all gets flushed. I'd rather not have a disagreement over pee water. There are other more important issues, that can be discussed once a stronger foundation is built. (Don't worry Ali, I will still flush the toilet)
8. Just because you live together, doesn't mean you can walk around in ratty underwear. "What about ratty running shorts?"
9. Pets comes 1st. Always. Don't even try to change the rules. "...there were three in the bed and the little one said 'roll over, roll over'..." In this case, the "little one" is Puffy, and she is telling me to "roll over, roll over" and leave her and Daddy alone. Go back to Number 5.
10. Be honest with yourself and never do anything with resentment. That's just not cool. "I stayed in Bangkok for you, and you won't even take out the garbage?!?!"..."I went to Iran to make money for us, and you won't flush the toilet?!?!"
11. Don't try to change anyone, just accept and be happy. "So maybe I don't want to flush the toilet"...okay bad example. No good examples here. If it's an issue, bring it up, otherwise, let go and move on. Habits can be changed, character can not.
12. If you are upset with each other, and aren't quite sure if you are overreacting, talk to a reliable friend 1st. "He went to bed without saying goodnight to me! I should go back to India, right?"..."No, I think he was probably just tired, and you may be overreacting"..."Okay, I'll give him another shot. I mean he did go to Iran to make money for us." (Thanks to all the unmentionable reliable friends everywhere)

Now to comment on an earlier post "Bangkok Cara"...I can order food with confidence in Thai (even if that means ordering the same thing over and over) and my back is becoming more flexible, so with this said, coming to Bangkok was a good idea :)

Penang Curry in a Hurry

Weekend 1 I arrove to Phuket with McKinley.
Weekend 2 I arrove to Bangkok at Ali's.
Weekend 3 I went to Khaw Yai National Park with Ali and Puffy.
Ooops, my VISA is up...Weekend 4 (this weekend) I fly to Penang, Malaysia to renew my VISA and to explore a city in 48 hours. I rush back to my new found love, Puffy, and to my Thai language class (of which I am missing 2 and will need a private tutor on Wednesday to catch up).

Bangkok Cara

Learning the Art of Thai Massage

I checked my phone today for any missed messages. I didn't actually expect any since Ali is the one who got me the phone and is the only person that actually knows the number, but I checked because it felt strangely soothing to think of the possibility. I checked my cell phone while waiting on the skytrain platform as I listened to my ipod. When I got on the train I looked around and saw a few people sporting similar white buds from their ears looking down and fumbling through the ipod menu with the same music ADD I used to have in NY. I listen to Krishna Das and smile as I gaze at the large buildings whizzing past me.

I am in Bangkok and I am learning the Thai language (as well as Indian head massage). I take the train to and fro and sit in the class for three hours daily practicing the five (!) tones with my five other Japanese classmates. We have all been in this crazy city for less than two weeks but have no end date so we all chose to learn the language with hopes of sounding like a "local".

I am living with Ali, an Iranian yogi I met at Sivananda in India, and his lovely miniature pincher, Puffin. The three of us make a lovely little family. Everyday we meditate, practice yoga, run, swim and cook. Puffin's energy outlasts us, but she patiently waits when we sit in silence. We fill our week with visits to yummy veg restaurants and dinner dates with Ali's friends. Sometimes we go to the movies, sometimes we watch movies (hello cable television!). I have a really nice life here and the idea of going back to India is a mere dream at this point. The only thing missing from this is teaching yoga...but I am working on that. Also, trips to the mountains, but we have a car and plan to go often.

I don't plan too far out these days but I'll let you know the immediate plan. Ali will go to Iran for a month to teach yoga and I will stay here living his life - his apartment, his car, his dog, his language school, his yoga school, his friends. When he comes back, then we go on holiday. Where? I'll let you know the week before. So not too much of a plan, but hopefully I'll be able to ask for vegetarian noodles in Thai and be able to do full Salabasana by the end of this.

India - Singapore

Chakrasana at Kids Yoga Camp in Neyyar Dam India

So it's been a little while since my last entry and I can explain... See I have been doing the yoga thing for the past few months which leaves little free time for, well, anything. My days start earlier than most - between 4:15 - 4:40 am - and ends around 11 pm. In the past month I have been working at a yoga centre in New Delhi filling my days with meditation, chanting, teaching, eating, practicing and karma yoga. Every other day my Japanese roommate and I treat ourselves to a trip the local market for a delicious 30 Rs mango smoothie. My days are long and simple. I have never been happier in my life. There is something wonderfully brilliant when days just merge into one another.

I can't put words down to describe the past few months and how much they have changed me, but I will say that I am anxious to get back to India. My VISA has expired so I am in Singapore for a few days before heading to Thailand for some months. I have met so many wonderful people the past few months and I am certain that I have met some in a past life. I always knew I had to be in India.

Upper Dharamshala, Home of the Dalai Lama

McLeodganj

Buddhism began in the foothills of the Himalayas in India with Siddhartha Guatama who is believed to be a reincarnation of the Hindu God Vishnu. Even though Buddhism is virtually non-existent in India today, it is home to many Tibetan Buddhist refugees including His Holiness the Dalai Lama in a small hill station named McLeodganj.

McLeodganj, named after a British lieutenant governor of Punjab, or “little Tibet”, is 250 km from Chandigarh in the foothills of the Himalaya. After an 8-hour bus journey through the night, we arrive to cold and rainy Dharamshala.

The city is tiny and filled with novelty stores, temples, and tourists amongst an awe-inspiring landscape. If I hadn’t been to Nepal prior, I would have been more impressed. Now that I am back in the mountains, I want more. Next stop is to Gangotri, via Rishikesh, to see where the mighty Ganga originates.

License to Wed

Chandigarh Rock Garden

So I am back at Alok and Neegam’s place in Chandigarh. They are both still at work and Didi (or sister in Hindi) arrived and has already washed the dishes and prepared dinner. Cub left to meet a potential wife. His father is trying to get him married and has even joined a matrimonial site (check www.shaadi.com). It’s like online dating but worse. Cub has expressed no interest in an arranged marriage but entertains the suggestions out of respect for his parents. They claim that this will be the last one. Anyway, before heading to Chandigarh, we stopped in Pritalia to pick up his cousin who will accompany him to meet the girl and her family.

At the house, Cub’s Master Ji (Mom’s elder sister) asked why he doesn’t just marry me. “She’s not too short. In fact, she’s taller than her (pointing to her daughter-in-law).” Wow.

I am watching License to Wed. It’s actually funny.

So anyway Cub is back and told me the girl was pretty but she is a city girl. The only city girl he wants is me. Ha.

Flower Girl

The Wall between the Farm Houses

After breaking fast, I crossed over the roof to Surrinder and Harpal’s house. Cub and Jaspal are still in Delhi resolving a rice paddy issue with the exporter and I couldn’t bare to watch another Indian soap. So watching soaps with Surrinder and accompanying Harpal to town for some design work, was how I spent my day.

Upon crossing the great wall, Mischief threatens to bite me. I get into a ball and Surrinder comes running out telling the dog that she is going to beat him. I really adore her.

I am offered tea and a sweet and we sit and watch Indian soaps. This time I am explained to in English what is going on. We watch three soaps (or serials, as they call them) – one is about 5 sister in laws that are causing trouble for the youngest, the second serial is set in Rajastan where the children marry at a very young age (the 9 yr old wife calls her 10 year old husband monkey and they are constantly fighting – as kids should be), and the last is about an adopted girl who is married to a man in a higher caste. All three involving marriage. `

In between commercial breaks, Surrinder tells me an interesting story about a recent wedding in her family. For her nephew’s wedding, Surrinder’s daughter, Rupali, and granddaughter came all the way from America to take part. The family was upset at Rupali for bringing her daughter along because it may cause the newly wed to have females instead of males. Eyebrows were raised whenever the small child would go near the bride. Needless to say, Indian weddings have nothing close to a flower girl. In fact, Surrinder told me that this happens a lot. Woman that have daughters are not to spend much time near the newly wed to prevent some invisible hormonal exchange.

Speaking of hormonal exchanges….now that I am not spending every moment with female travel partner, Bonnie, Aunt Flow arrived at the station right on time – about the only thing that arrives on time in India.

Top Chef Final Round

Tonight we are having a party of 20 people of doctors and the family. The occasion is to pay respect to the doctors that helped Jolly when he was in a bad car accident in is teenage years. I am making 4 loaves of Italian bread and the beet salad. Richhpal has given up on asking me to make other dishes. After making the bread, Cub comes into the kitchen and asks if I want to go into town. I look and the girls, and they nod, so I say yes. I take a hot shower, put on a new suit, and gather some items I want to ship home.

I walk past Richhpal and he asks me where I am going. I tell him and he says, “Cub has to go court and I feel there is no time for him to take you to the post. This is what I feel.”

I tell him he is probably right and that I can do it another day. Cub pulls the jeep up and asks where my things are. I tell him what his father says and he tells me to give Jolly something. I go into the courtyard, hand it to Jolly, and head back to the driveway only to see Cub driving off. Grrr. I guess I wasn’t clear in telling him that I still wanted to go. Instead I head over to Surrinder's house. We drink tea and look through old patterns books. I think I would also sew and knit if I stayed at the farm.

An hour passes and I spend the rest of the afternoon cooking with Amrith, Jagdeep and Shishpal. Cub comes back after 8 pm and gets ready. Good thing I didn’t go with him! People enter and us ladies serve dinner and hide out in the kitchen. I am introduced as the American Food Engineer. Everyone is nice, but I don’t feel like small talk tonight.

Instead I focus on trying to get to know Jagdeep more. It turns out I am not the only one bored here, but she likes her husband.

“He’s nice,” she says. They have been married not even a year yet, so I was curious to find out her thought on the whole arranged marriage thing.

After dinner, Richhpal tells Jagdeep and I that the stuffed mushrooms weren’t cooked long enough. Jagdeep, immune to these remarks, looked at the ground and I reply. His wife had cooked that peppers, but rather than ratting her out, I politely smiled and said we will cook them better next time. I tried the peppers and agreed – they were undercooked.

After the party, Cub tells me to not be concerned with his father’s remarks and that he is fond of me. I feel like I am living with inlaws.

Just Meditate

I take a day off of cooking and blame my cough on it. “I am not feeling well”, I tell the family when they wonder why I am being so somber. The truth is that although I know Richhpal means well, and the family is doing a wonderful job of including me, I didn’t want to be around them. Not today. I wanted to be around familiar people. I put on the Indian suit Cub had made me in Chandigarh and went across the roof to Surrinder and Harpal’s house.

Surrinder sees me, smiles and says: “Where were you? I thought I lost you!” I feel a wave of acceptance and smile. I tell her that I hadn’t been feeling well. Harpal and Jaspal are watching the Republic Day Parade and invite me to watch beside and to eat oranges. I see a warm smile exchanged between Harpal and Surrinder and I am happy that they are on talking terms again. I guess they resolved the dog food issue. Surrinder offers me lunch and shows me the new kitchen that is being built. The badminton net has been taken down and replaced by the table saw.

I take a walk with Harpal and we talk about some things going on with me – the same type of people coming into my life – the kind that you want to help, but they end of zapping you of your own energy. He then tells me to just meditate, as he always does, but this time, it makes sense. I hug him and head back to Cub’s.

Cub is home and I want to go for a run before dinner. I am feeling full of energy and would like to run off this cough. He looks at the clock and tells me we can go early in the morning. He prefers to run early before the workers are out in the fields. I don’t want to get up early tomorrow and insist on running at dusk. He starts the fire to heat up my bath water, puts on a jacket, gets his dog, and walks around the field while I around a rice paddy field. I feel fast and rejuvenated. With each pass, his dog follows me and he gives me words of encouragement to do another lap. I feel much better.

The Matrimonial Website

Cub’s father has me log him into his email to see what the marriage broker has sent for the day. Have you heard of www.shaadi.com? Check it out. I figure that if I don't get married in 2010 (mark your calendar) as the pundit has predicted, I still have a chance.

If you think online dating is odd, imagine online engagements. A picture can truly means a millions words - of bickering, fighting, children issues, bedroom issues, etc. I kid. I am not sure exactly how it works, but all I know is that they have a marriage broker for Cub. Every so often an email from the broker comes with a list of eligible bachelorettes. I was asked to look over the prospective wives and was unimpressed by the formatting and lack of real information. All we have to go on here is whether the girl is veg, non-veg, sometimes veg, what her parent’s and siblings do for a living, her degree, her birthday, height and photo. I’ve rejected guys based on screen names, and here we are choosing forever based on a few bits of information?

We go through contestant #1’s profile.

1. She received a masters in home science. Not sure what this means, but it sounds like home economics to me. Richhpal tells me its like my degree and this reminds me of telling people I was a food science major and them asking me if that was like being a cook (I switched majors the following semester). He is happy about her degree. Someone who can help on the farm, he says. What he meant to say was someone to help in the kitchen.
2. Her birthday does match up with Cub’s. She is NOT monglik, as is Cub (and myself). mongliks should marry mongliks. They tend to have marital problems that are negated when two marry each other. Anyway, this seems like the most important bit of information on the profile (assuming all contestants are Sihk and of are similar economic background), but its dismissed. I am shocked and point it out. “She’s not monglik! Shouldn’t you be looking for a monglik for Cub?” He shrugs.
3. She is veg. We approve.
4. She has 2 brothers. He approves.
5. She is 5’6”. Richhpal calls out to his wife and Cub. Cub yells to his Dad to quit looking for him and that he’s not interested. He has his eye on another woman.

He tells me to open up the attachment. As it loads, Amrith reviews the profile. She nods, but I can tell from her reaction that they have been through this many times.

The picture opens and they both shake their head and get up. “Cub would NOT like her. Too dark and big features.”

Top Chef Round 2

I am asked what I will prepare for dinner again, so I decide I will bake the bread that has finally risen, peanut noodles, beet salad and broiled vegetables. Cub, Jolly, Jaspal, Jagdeep and I are watching television and I excuse myself around 6:30 pm to make sure dinner is ready for Richhpal at 7:30 pm. They say something in Punjabi and giggle as I leave. Cub tells me later that they were asking what their elder sister was making for us. They like to joke around that I am Cub's wife. Ha. Ha.

It is 7 pm and it is time for the boys to leave to play badminton. Cub walks into the kitchen and tries to supervise the cooking so that I can also come along. His intentions are good and are appreciated, so I hand him some peanuts to shell. Richhpal takes his seat at the kitchen table at 7:30 pm on the dot. I garnish the noodles with cilantro, sesame seeds, and peanuts and place it on the table. Everyone walks to the table and all the dishes are brought to the table like gifts to the king. My heart jumps when Jolly walks in, takes a bite, and scrunches up his face with his tongue sticking out. I hope he is kidding, but he is not. This family is quite bold. The Chinese girl can’t even cook Chinese noodles! I then find out that the family doesn’t like peanut butter. Why would you let me use an ingredient that nobody likes? The kitchen table is a sad affair –half cooked thyme buttered root vegetables , Italian bread, leftover beet salad and overcooked peanut noodles.

I sit to await the critique before leaving for badminton:
“The vegetables aren’t cooked long enough and they are cut too large. If you cut them smaller, then they would all be soft. Didn’t your mother teach you how to cook? The salad is a hit and so is the bread. There is too much peanut butter in the noodles. If you used less, the noodles would be better. ”

Amrith sneaks a smile at me and gives me the “perfect” sign as she points to the vegetables. Jagdeep says something to Shishpal and he brings 3 bowls of dal and chapattis to the table. I get the hint. Later, Cub eats a plate of noodles and asks for more.

Top Chef Round 1

Richhpal heard that I enjoy cooking (unlike his daughter-in-law) and asked me to cook. This also happened at Harpal’s house, but I didn’t actually follow through on cooking Chinese food as he had asked. Apparently my Asiatic ancestry must mean that I know how to make Szechwan vegetables. I do not. Anyway, I was asked to make an Italian dinner complete with bread and “salata mixta”. This man has lived all over the world and speaks Italiano – I was going into kitchen suicide. A word of advice – if you are in an Indian home, or any “family oriented home” for that matter, most likely the woman of the house is an amazing cook (and if she’s not, she will be through a thorough and constant regimen of kitchen verbal abuse until her food is acceptable to serve at gatherings of high officiates). Another word of advice - one should be most sure of their recipe before serving it for dinner. I am still alive to write this, so dinner must have turned out all right.

I begin at 2 pm after eating a delicious lunch from Amrith. Great, I think. I need to compete with this? After consulting with Amrith, I decide to make a beet salad, eggplant parmesan, and Italian bread. Shishpal, the kitchen help, chops up the onions, garlic and boils and peels the tomatoes. I salt the eggplant and let them sit while I frantically search for a good bread recipe online. I just learned how to make chapattis and was told that the dogs wouldn’t even eat them; so making bread was more than a little nerve wracking. After breading and frying the eggplant, I make the bread dough and the beet salad. The sauce has been simmering for a few hours now, so I blend and season it. It is too sweet so I add some spice and hope that these Indians won’t know any better. Richhpal walks into the kitchen, looks at the clock (it is now 6 pm) and asks how dinner is. I tell him that the eggplant needs to be baked but I am waiting on the cheese, the sauce is ready for the eggplant, the salad is in the fridge and the bread is rising. He looks at the eggplant and asks why it’s in that pan and I tell him that I am going to bake in it. He raises his eyebrows and yells to his wife and she comes in.

I later learn that he yelled, “This girl wants to bake the eggplant in a fry pan! Get her the right utensils! This is why men always run kitchens and not women! Women can’t plan!”

He then watches me chop more tomatoes to make more sauce for the pasta that I didn’t know we were having.

“Didn’t your mother teach you how to cook”, he asks. “I am surprised – your mother is Asian and usually Asians teach their daughters how to cook. If you aren’t going to cook, then tell Shishpal what to do.”

I try to tell Shispal to mash the tomatoes using charades which leaves him laughing and Richhpal the same color as the sauce. I remember working for a terrifying boss and how he would yell at me and think how I survived that, and think that is nothing. I inhale, and exhale and politely take any suggestions Richhpal gives me, hoping that he will too remember that his wife also did not know how to cook when he married her. I then notice that he is not yelling or even criticizing me; he is just helping me in his own way. I appreciate him for that and gain a new respect for him.

As all this is going on, Cub walks into the kitchen from wherever he escaped to, hands me a box of ramen noodles and asks if I want to play badminton. I give him a blank stare and ask him “what do you think?” He looks around, gets the picture, and leaves. The boys go to play badminton, and I eat my dinner disaster with Amrith and Richhpal. Dinner is eaten in mostly silence as I gather a sympathetic respect for the chefs that serve their meals before a panel of experts.

Richhpal eats another bite and then gives his professional critique. “You shouldn’t have pureed the sauce – it would have been juicier if you just mashed it. The spices are good, but it’s too thick. Tomorrow I think you should recook the eggplant with more sauce.” He then looks at Amrith and explains to her how to fix the dish in Punjabi. As he spoons the ramen noodles, which are now in a noodle nest, he says, "these noodles are overcooked, don't you think?" Who eats ramen noodles with tomato sauce anyways?

“Yes, they should have been taken out sooner. I think Shishpal cooked them," I say ratting out the kitchen help. Truth is that Amrith had made them, but I was trying to save her. I should have not said anything instead of being dishonest because he then yelled at Shishpal who then blamed Amrith. Never blame your boss.

He then takes another bite of the beet salad and says its perfect. I smile and decide that I will make it again in the morning.

Cub comes home late and I hear him and Jaspal in the kitchen. I am sitting in a bedroom with Amrith and we are watching an Indian show. I walk over to the kitchen, glance in, and then walk back to the room. I decided to not disturb them since they were deep in conversation. An hour passes and I am tired so I excuse myself to my bedroom. Again, minutes pass, and I hear footsteps from the roof. Cub comes in and tells me that they were talking on the roof about some family matter. He tells me that the spaghetti sauce I made was amazing and I begin to tear up again. I tell him about the kitchen drama and we both laugh. At least there is that.

The next morning we wake up and Cub asks me to heat up the rest of the ramen noodles with the tomato sauce. Maybe he did it to be polite, but to me, it was perfect.

Bad-minton

RIP Badminton Court, Jan 2009 - Jan 2009

I woke up to loud voices in the courtyard. Richhpal takes two glasses of beet and carrot juice and prefers to drink them in the warmth of the morning sun while speaking in a loud tone that bounces off the courtyard walls and into my ears. A lovely way to wake up, I thought. He invited me to sit and drink some tea with him. I then spent the afternoon watching TV while Cub went out for what he said would be 30 minutes. 6 hours later Cub shows up and tells me he went gun shopping with Jaspal. I later find out that Jaspal bought an American rifle from 1917 costing 2 Lackh Rupees ($4,000 USD). Cub tells me that a good watchdog is a few hundred dollars. Seems like a better choice to me.

Later in the evening we go to Remy’s house to play badminton. I came along not to play, but to leave the farm. I had been to this home before and enjoyed that there was a room away from the court with comfy beds and a widescreen TV and two boys that would cook me whatever I wanted (or so I was told). Not any different from being at Cub’s house, but this way I could spend time with Cub, without actually spending time with Cub. When we reached the farm, my plan of eating French fries in a warm bed while watching an American movie, were shattered when we found Remy sick. Instead, we watched croquet – Sri Lanka vs. India – and I reached an all time low of boredom. Watching a sport I have no interest in, in a language I do not know. We were then served dinner and desert. I suppose 2 bowls of scevie – a dish sweet milk dish of noodles – makes up for the last few days. I meticulously took note of the events of the day and decided to later to use them in verbal battle case I decided to get upset with Cub.

Brownies

I watched the beginning part of the presidential inauguration with Richhpal and excused myself to see if I could help with dinner. Richhpal does not eat dinner with the family – he eats a healthier meal in his room around 7 pm everyday while watching the news. It was 9 pm and I was starving. I walked past the kitchen and heard Amrith, Cub and Jaspal talking, so I grabbed a plate and sat down. I was a bit confused why I wasn’t told dinner was ready, but sat down hoping that they would be excited to ask me about my travels through the mountains of Nepal. The entire dinner was conducted in Punjabi and I had no eye contact from anyone. Being left alone most of the day, this made me feel very alone. I slowly ate my meal, trying to make eye contact as to instigate spontaneous English speaking, but had no luck.

After I was done, I sat politely and waited to be excused. Since this didn’t happen and I felt tears fill my glands, I excused myself, went to my room, and cried. I then wiped my face, put a smile on my face (something I have become good at over the years) and walked across the courtyard. I walked over to Richhpal’s room poking my head through the door, hoping he would pat the side of his bed motioning me to come in and sit, and he did, so we continued to watch the inauguration.

A couple of hours passed and Amrith poked her head in the door as to hint that it was her bedtime. I was sitting in her bed, after all, so I thanked Richhpal for the company and went to my room across the courtyard. I peeked in the kitchen and didn’t see Jaspal or Cub, so I went back to my room. A few minutes passed and I heard loud footsteps coming from the stairs that lead to the roof. Cub walked into my room and I began to cry again. He felt so bad and consoled me and promised to not leave me again. I felt emotional and needy and I hated it. He then told me he would go into town to get all the ingredients for me to make brownies.

“You like brownies, right?”

Roles Reversed

The gang has split for a few months. Bonnie is in Morocco, Anthony and Jamey are soaking up rays in Goa, and I am back in Sirsa with Cub. This time I am staying with his family whom happens to share a wall with Harpal’s family. The family of 5 consists of Cub, Harpal’s nephew, Jolly, his younger brother of 27 years old, his wife, Jagdeep, his parents, Amrith and Richhpal, two dogs and two bitches (used in the technical sense). Immediately I was welcomed back and invited to sit for lunch. They have kitchen help, so I was not asked or even welcomed to help prepare lunch. A nice change, I thought.

After lunch, Cub tended to some farm work and I was left to watch bad reruns and play on the painfully slow internet. Sadly, I was anxious to help in the kitchen so when I went there looking for Amrith, I found her watching her Indian soaps and Richhpal in another room watching BBC news on his widescreen. All I could think about what how when I was at the other farm, just a few yards away, Harpal had said that Surinder watched too much television meanwhile all we did was cook and make tea all day.

Happy Lorhi

Chandigarh Rose Garden

We are in Chandigarh, the Punjab and Haryana capital 4 hours north of Delhi. The air is cool and filled with rhythmic drumming that bounces off the side of the building. It is the beginning of the holy festival Lorhi – celebrated throughout Punjab by both Hindus and Sikhs. Families and friends gather around fires and offer sweets to the fire.

A woman, Auntie, comes in the morning and evening to prepare meals for us and to clean the dishes. We have high-speed Internet, movie channels and a market where you can get fresh juice or tantalizing sweets for pennies within shouting distance. Our hosts are extremely accommodating and have even given up their own beds for our convenience. This morning I got up with Cub, rode my bike 5 km to the lake, and ran 10 km underneath fragrant cherry blossom trees. This is all wonderful, but I am feeling an urge to get back on my bike or get on a train to see more of this country.

For the past few nights Cub has taken me out to get chocolate. We frequent this one bakery and choose 2 – 3 cakes and a brownie and then get coffees and the nearby shop. It’s like going on a date every night. The night before we left, I was surprised with 2 beautifully made suits from Cub. I feel like a princess.

Heavenly Farms Revisted

We have safely reached India and stayed a few day at Heavenly Farms in Sirsa. Since this was the 2nd time that Jamey, Bonnie and I were there, we all fell right into our familiar and comfortable routines. Bonnie and I instantly took refuge to the kitchen with Surinder, the woman in the household, and Jamey went into the bedroom with Harpal, the man of the house, to discuss future documentary movie plans regarding organic farming. Anthony awkwardly waited in the living room until dinner was prepared. Meals were a bit uncomfortable since it was evident that Harpal and his wife were not talking to each other and possibly had not for some time. Something to do with dog food, she murmurred.

Surrinder asked me what Anthony does at home and I told her that he does some IT stuff. Her eyes lit up and she went and grabbed an old xbox and a computer the size of a fax machine and placed them on the living room table. Once Harpal knew there was someone who knew how to operate a PC the house, he suddenly lost the little computer knowledge he knew – like how to write an email.

I spent the next few days attached to Surrinder – watching old wedding movies, peeling garlic, eating sweets. Harpal asked me one night what I was planning on doing the next day.

“Whatever your wife asks me to do, I will happily do,” I replied.

I don’t think he appreciated that answer and said, “She sure like to watch her television.”

When Harpal saw Surrinder and I watching old wedding movies (once in which the camera was left in a corner of a room and forgotten about for an hour), he too wanted to take part of the misery. He took one on the disks and had us watch his daughter’s wedding on the small screen of his PC. Anthony started the computer, Bonnie and I sat painfully watching, and Jamey hid behind us with his computer, making sure to look up every few seconds.

The next day Surrinder asked me if the boys were going to the put up the badminton court. This discussion apparently happened in the secret meeting Harpal had with Jamey behind the bedroom door on the night we arrived. Something to do with the boys playing badminton at his nephew’s house and Harpal wanting the boys to play at his house. Surrinder was concerned with Jaspal eating junk food over there. Controlling parental stuff, if you ask me. Us Americans cleared out an area in the back and put up a sad looking court. We used 2 old tables and 2 old poles to hold up the net. Tables has to be moved, drying lines had to be restrung and shit had to be scooped. I give this net a month before it’s taken down.

We went to play badminton that night and felt sad about our court that we had set up. Remy had a professional court and concession stand. Immediately a boy popped out on the court offering us sweet lime juice and canned soda. Later he served us 3 plates of home made fries in which we played “never have I ever” with them.

Happy New Year, Nepal

Wow, it's been over a year since I started my last blog - curiousrunner.blogspot.com - about my thoughts in running. I am in such a different place - not better, nor worse, just different. Bonnie and I will be embarking on a 20 hour bus ride back to meet the boys at the Nepali-Indian border to continue our journey through Asia. I am really blissed to be able to travel and have great companions to do it with. It's so hard to step back from everyday life and do things in your life that make you truly happy, but I promise that once you face the right direction, all you need to do is walk.