Standing Still with Someone

Puffin the Astrodog

All around me people are moving towards something - a better job, more flexibility, a better vocabulary, another passport stamp, etc. Somewhere in the past few weeks, I stopped moving and I am standing still. I love learning a new language but I wonder when will I use it after I have left. I love my yoga studio, but I wonder why am I in a heated room and not in a headstand (I miss Sivananda)? I stopped asking questions because I stopped having answers. People ask me when I am coming home or where I am going next and I have no answer. Why don't I ask myself these questions? Am I just standing still, pretending to be moving forward? I think in a way I am keeping my mind busy so that I don't have to answer these questions.

Whenever I do ask these questions, I open my notebook and read what I wrote back in February when I visited a Pandit (yes, I have one, and yes, I trust him, and yes, I paid for his guidance). He assured me that I need to travel for reason because the way the planets are lined up, this is the time for me to grow, learn and take risks...especially with my heart.

So I take a Thai class, sign up for another type of yoga and am living with a significant other. This is the biggest risk I have done to date - here I am, living in Bangkok, with a guy I hardly know and his miniature Pincher, Puffy. All because he asked me to stay and I said yes. The Romantic optimist inside of me said yes. I said "Yes!" No thought, no reason, just "YES!" Truth is that I still believe in fairy tales and even though all around me love is broken, I see love everywhere. Even to write this, I feel vulnerable, but it's true - everything is full of love around me. Really I am not sure what will happen, if we are right for each other, how things will play out, but I am hopeful and open and am learning so much from this little thing called "sharing a space" that so many people take for granted. I really believe that this will be the most important thing that I learn during my entire travel. How to grow happily alone and with someone while not becoming attached. Is this even possible? I think so. There is so much to learn about the people around us. Thich Naht Hahn eloquently and precisely wrote, "How can we expect to know the person beside us, if scientists can't even describe what a particle of dust is?"

Some things I have learned -

1. Take up another activity that the two of you don't share. "Hmm, what do we both not like to do? Maybe I should try fly fishing?"
2. Know when to be there and when to step back. "Honey, looks like you could use some alone time. I am going fly fishing for the weekend....in Iran."
3. Don't look through pictures - do you really want to see your current boyfriend happily snuggling with another girl? "Um...exactly how many girlfriends have you had?" The truth is we know that we've been with other people, but do we really need to?
4. Be friends with his ex girlfriend. I mean if they are friends, why can't you be friends too? "Wow, your ex-girlfriend is intelligent, beautiful and has a great personality. Why exactly are you not dating again?"
5. No jealousy. EVER. Try. Jealousy kills happiness. It's the worst emotion of all. "Ah, you aren't dating her because you just aren't right for each other, but I, on the other hand, am all those things and then some, right?" Plus it's definitely a good sign to know that your current boyfriend knows how to choose women. Why would you want your boyfriend to have crazy ex-girlfriends? I mean what does that say about the kind of girls he attracts (hellloooo, aka you).
6. Learn how each other communicates non-verbally. Maybe he does things for you to show he cares, but doesn't tell you how ridiculously gorgeous you are, but to him, he is saying that by changing your tires. You get the idea.
7. This is important - Know which battles to fight. Ours - Flush the toilet even if it means wasting another gallon of water. Apparently some guys aren't into saving the world when it comes to yellow toilet water. I, on the other hand, say "if its yellow, let it mellow" but in this case, all gets flushed. I'd rather not have a disagreement over pee water. There are other more important issues, that can be discussed once a stronger foundation is built. (Don't worry Ali, I will still flush the toilet)
8. Just because you live together, doesn't mean you can walk around in ratty underwear. "What about ratty running shorts?"
9. Pets comes 1st. Always. Don't even try to change the rules. "...there were three in the bed and the little one said 'roll over, roll over'..." In this case, the "little one" is Puffy, and she is telling me to "roll over, roll over" and leave her and Daddy alone. Go back to Number 5.
10. Be honest with yourself and never do anything with resentment. That's just not cool. "I stayed in Bangkok for you, and you won't even take out the garbage?!?!"..."I went to Iran to make money for us, and you won't flush the toilet?!?!"
11. Don't try to change anyone, just accept and be happy. "So maybe I don't want to flush the toilet"...okay bad example. No good examples here. If it's an issue, bring it up, otherwise, let go and move on. Habits can be changed, character can not.
12. If you are upset with each other, and aren't quite sure if you are overreacting, talk to a reliable friend 1st. "He went to bed without saying goodnight to me! I should go back to India, right?"..."No, I think he was probably just tired, and you may be overreacting"..."Okay, I'll give him another shot. I mean he did go to Iran to make money for us." (Thanks to all the unmentionable reliable friends everywhere)

Now to comment on an earlier post "Bangkok Cara"...I can order food with confidence in Thai (even if that means ordering the same thing over and over) and my back is becoming more flexible, so with this said, coming to Bangkok was a good idea :)