India - Singapore

Chakrasana at Kids Yoga Camp in Neyyar Dam India

So it's been a little while since my last entry and I can explain... See I have been doing the yoga thing for the past few months which leaves little free time for, well, anything. My days start earlier than most - between 4:15 - 4:40 am - and ends around 11 pm. In the past month I have been working at a yoga centre in New Delhi filling my days with meditation, chanting, teaching, eating, practicing and karma yoga. Every other day my Japanese roommate and I treat ourselves to a trip the local market for a delicious 30 Rs mango smoothie. My days are long and simple. I have never been happier in my life. There is something wonderfully brilliant when days just merge into one another.

I can't put words down to describe the past few months and how much they have changed me, but I will say that I am anxious to get back to India. My VISA has expired so I am in Singapore for a few days before heading to Thailand for some months. I have met so many wonderful people the past few months and I am certain that I have met some in a past life. I always knew I had to be in India.

Upper Dharamshala, Home of the Dalai Lama

McLeodganj

Buddhism began in the foothills of the Himalayas in India with Siddhartha Guatama who is believed to be a reincarnation of the Hindu God Vishnu. Even though Buddhism is virtually non-existent in India today, it is home to many Tibetan Buddhist refugees including His Holiness the Dalai Lama in a small hill station named McLeodganj.

McLeodganj, named after a British lieutenant governor of Punjab, or “little Tibet”, is 250 km from Chandigarh in the foothills of the Himalaya. After an 8-hour bus journey through the night, we arrive to cold and rainy Dharamshala.

The city is tiny and filled with novelty stores, temples, and tourists amongst an awe-inspiring landscape. If I hadn’t been to Nepal prior, I would have been more impressed. Now that I am back in the mountains, I want more. Next stop is to Gangotri, via Rishikesh, to see where the mighty Ganga originates.

License to Wed

Chandigarh Rock Garden

So I am back at Alok and Neegam’s place in Chandigarh. They are both still at work and Didi (or sister in Hindi) arrived and has already washed the dishes and prepared dinner. Cub left to meet a potential wife. His father is trying to get him married and has even joined a matrimonial site (check www.shaadi.com). It’s like online dating but worse. Cub has expressed no interest in an arranged marriage but entertains the suggestions out of respect for his parents. They claim that this will be the last one. Anyway, before heading to Chandigarh, we stopped in Pritalia to pick up his cousin who will accompany him to meet the girl and her family.

At the house, Cub’s Master Ji (Mom’s elder sister) asked why he doesn’t just marry me. “She’s not too short. In fact, she’s taller than her (pointing to her daughter-in-law).” Wow.

I am watching License to Wed. It’s actually funny.

So anyway Cub is back and told me the girl was pretty but she is a city girl. The only city girl he wants is me. Ha.

Flower Girl

The Wall between the Farm Houses

After breaking fast, I crossed over the roof to Surrinder and Harpal’s house. Cub and Jaspal are still in Delhi resolving a rice paddy issue with the exporter and I couldn’t bare to watch another Indian soap. So watching soaps with Surrinder and accompanying Harpal to town for some design work, was how I spent my day.

Upon crossing the great wall, Mischief threatens to bite me. I get into a ball and Surrinder comes running out telling the dog that she is going to beat him. I really adore her.

I am offered tea and a sweet and we sit and watch Indian soaps. This time I am explained to in English what is going on. We watch three soaps (or serials, as they call them) – one is about 5 sister in laws that are causing trouble for the youngest, the second serial is set in Rajastan where the children marry at a very young age (the 9 yr old wife calls her 10 year old husband monkey and they are constantly fighting – as kids should be), and the last is about an adopted girl who is married to a man in a higher caste. All three involving marriage. `

In between commercial breaks, Surrinder tells me an interesting story about a recent wedding in her family. For her nephew’s wedding, Surrinder’s daughter, Rupali, and granddaughter came all the way from America to take part. The family was upset at Rupali for bringing her daughter along because it may cause the newly wed to have females instead of males. Eyebrows were raised whenever the small child would go near the bride. Needless to say, Indian weddings have nothing close to a flower girl. In fact, Surrinder told me that this happens a lot. Woman that have daughters are not to spend much time near the newly wed to prevent some invisible hormonal exchange.

Speaking of hormonal exchanges….now that I am not spending every moment with female travel partner, Bonnie, Aunt Flow arrived at the station right on time – about the only thing that arrives on time in India.

Top Chef Final Round

Tonight we are having a party of 20 people of doctors and the family. The occasion is to pay respect to the doctors that helped Jolly when he was in a bad car accident in is teenage years. I am making 4 loaves of Italian bread and the beet salad. Richhpal has given up on asking me to make other dishes. After making the bread, Cub comes into the kitchen and asks if I want to go into town. I look and the girls, and they nod, so I say yes. I take a hot shower, put on a new suit, and gather some items I want to ship home.

I walk past Richhpal and he asks me where I am going. I tell him and he says, “Cub has to go court and I feel there is no time for him to take you to the post. This is what I feel.”

I tell him he is probably right and that I can do it another day. Cub pulls the jeep up and asks where my things are. I tell him what his father says and he tells me to give Jolly something. I go into the courtyard, hand it to Jolly, and head back to the driveway only to see Cub driving off. Grrr. I guess I wasn’t clear in telling him that I still wanted to go. Instead I head over to Surrinder's house. We drink tea and look through old patterns books. I think I would also sew and knit if I stayed at the farm.

An hour passes and I spend the rest of the afternoon cooking with Amrith, Jagdeep and Shishpal. Cub comes back after 8 pm and gets ready. Good thing I didn’t go with him! People enter and us ladies serve dinner and hide out in the kitchen. I am introduced as the American Food Engineer. Everyone is nice, but I don’t feel like small talk tonight.

Instead I focus on trying to get to know Jagdeep more. It turns out I am not the only one bored here, but she likes her husband.

“He’s nice,” she says. They have been married not even a year yet, so I was curious to find out her thought on the whole arranged marriage thing.

After dinner, Richhpal tells Jagdeep and I that the stuffed mushrooms weren’t cooked long enough. Jagdeep, immune to these remarks, looked at the ground and I reply. His wife had cooked that peppers, but rather than ratting her out, I politely smiled and said we will cook them better next time. I tried the peppers and agreed – they were undercooked.

After the party, Cub tells me to not be concerned with his father’s remarks and that he is fond of me. I feel like I am living with inlaws.

Just Meditate

I take a day off of cooking and blame my cough on it. “I am not feeling well”, I tell the family when they wonder why I am being so somber. The truth is that although I know Richhpal means well, and the family is doing a wonderful job of including me, I didn’t want to be around them. Not today. I wanted to be around familiar people. I put on the Indian suit Cub had made me in Chandigarh and went across the roof to Surrinder and Harpal’s house.

Surrinder sees me, smiles and says: “Where were you? I thought I lost you!” I feel a wave of acceptance and smile. I tell her that I hadn’t been feeling well. Harpal and Jaspal are watching the Republic Day Parade and invite me to watch beside and to eat oranges. I see a warm smile exchanged between Harpal and Surrinder and I am happy that they are on talking terms again. I guess they resolved the dog food issue. Surrinder offers me lunch and shows me the new kitchen that is being built. The badminton net has been taken down and replaced by the table saw.

I take a walk with Harpal and we talk about some things going on with me – the same type of people coming into my life – the kind that you want to help, but they end of zapping you of your own energy. He then tells me to just meditate, as he always does, but this time, it makes sense. I hug him and head back to Cub’s.

Cub is home and I want to go for a run before dinner. I am feeling full of energy and would like to run off this cough. He looks at the clock and tells me we can go early in the morning. He prefers to run early before the workers are out in the fields. I don’t want to get up early tomorrow and insist on running at dusk. He starts the fire to heat up my bath water, puts on a jacket, gets his dog, and walks around the field while I around a rice paddy field. I feel fast and rejuvenated. With each pass, his dog follows me and he gives me words of encouragement to do another lap. I feel much better.

The Matrimonial Website

Cub’s father has me log him into his email to see what the marriage broker has sent for the day. Have you heard of www.shaadi.com? Check it out. I figure that if I don't get married in 2010 (mark your calendar) as the pundit has predicted, I still have a chance.

If you think online dating is odd, imagine online engagements. A picture can truly means a millions words - of bickering, fighting, children issues, bedroom issues, etc. I kid. I am not sure exactly how it works, but all I know is that they have a marriage broker for Cub. Every so often an email from the broker comes with a list of eligible bachelorettes. I was asked to look over the prospective wives and was unimpressed by the formatting and lack of real information. All we have to go on here is whether the girl is veg, non-veg, sometimes veg, what her parent’s and siblings do for a living, her degree, her birthday, height and photo. I’ve rejected guys based on screen names, and here we are choosing forever based on a few bits of information?

We go through contestant #1’s profile.

1. She received a masters in home science. Not sure what this means, but it sounds like home economics to me. Richhpal tells me its like my degree and this reminds me of telling people I was a food science major and them asking me if that was like being a cook (I switched majors the following semester). He is happy about her degree. Someone who can help on the farm, he says. What he meant to say was someone to help in the kitchen.
2. Her birthday does match up with Cub’s. She is NOT monglik, as is Cub (and myself). mongliks should marry mongliks. They tend to have marital problems that are negated when two marry each other. Anyway, this seems like the most important bit of information on the profile (assuming all contestants are Sihk and of are similar economic background), but its dismissed. I am shocked and point it out. “She’s not monglik! Shouldn’t you be looking for a monglik for Cub?” He shrugs.
3. She is veg. We approve.
4. She has 2 brothers. He approves.
5. She is 5’6”. Richhpal calls out to his wife and Cub. Cub yells to his Dad to quit looking for him and that he’s not interested. He has his eye on another woman.

He tells me to open up the attachment. As it loads, Amrith reviews the profile. She nods, but I can tell from her reaction that they have been through this many times.

The picture opens and they both shake their head and get up. “Cub would NOT like her. Too dark and big features.”