Standing Still with Someone

Puffin the Astrodog

All around me people are moving towards something - a better job, more flexibility, a better vocabulary, another passport stamp, etc. Somewhere in the past few weeks, I stopped moving and I am standing still. I love learning a new language but I wonder when will I use it after I have left. I love my yoga studio, but I wonder why am I in a heated room and not in a headstand (I miss Sivananda)? I stopped asking questions because I stopped having answers. People ask me when I am coming home or where I am going next and I have no answer. Why don't I ask myself these questions? Am I just standing still, pretending to be moving forward? I think in a way I am keeping my mind busy so that I don't have to answer these questions.

Whenever I do ask these questions, I open my notebook and read what I wrote back in February when I visited a Pandit (yes, I have one, and yes, I trust him, and yes, I paid for his guidance). He assured me that I need to travel for reason because the way the planets are lined up, this is the time for me to grow, learn and take risks...especially with my heart.

So I take a Thai class, sign up for another type of yoga and am living with a significant other. This is the biggest risk I have done to date - here I am, living in Bangkok, with a guy I hardly know and his miniature Pincher, Puffy. All because he asked me to stay and I said yes. The Romantic optimist inside of me said yes. I said "Yes!" No thought, no reason, just "YES!" Truth is that I still believe in fairy tales and even though all around me love is broken, I see love everywhere. Even to write this, I feel vulnerable, but it's true - everything is full of love around me. Really I am not sure what will happen, if we are right for each other, how things will play out, but I am hopeful and open and am learning so much from this little thing called "sharing a space" that so many people take for granted. I really believe that this will be the most important thing that I learn during my entire travel. How to grow happily alone and with someone while not becoming attached. Is this even possible? I think so. There is so much to learn about the people around us. Thich Naht Hahn eloquently and precisely wrote, "How can we expect to know the person beside us, if scientists can't even describe what a particle of dust is?"

Some things I have learned -

1. Take up another activity that the two of you don't share. "Hmm, what do we both not like to do? Maybe I should try fly fishing?"
2. Know when to be there and when to step back. "Honey, looks like you could use some alone time. I am going fly fishing for the weekend....in Iran."
3. Don't look through pictures - do you really want to see your current boyfriend happily snuggling with another girl? "Um...exactly how many girlfriends have you had?" The truth is we know that we've been with other people, but do we really need to?
4. Be friends with his ex girlfriend. I mean if they are friends, why can't you be friends too? "Wow, your ex-girlfriend is intelligent, beautiful and has a great personality. Why exactly are you not dating again?"
5. No jealousy. EVER. Try. Jealousy kills happiness. It's the worst emotion of all. "Ah, you aren't dating her because you just aren't right for each other, but I, on the other hand, am all those things and then some, right?" Plus it's definitely a good sign to know that your current boyfriend knows how to choose women. Why would you want your boyfriend to have crazy ex-girlfriends? I mean what does that say about the kind of girls he attracts (hellloooo, aka you).
6. Learn how each other communicates non-verbally. Maybe he does things for you to show he cares, but doesn't tell you how ridiculously gorgeous you are, but to him, he is saying that by changing your tires. You get the idea.
7. This is important - Know which battles to fight. Ours - Flush the toilet even if it means wasting another gallon of water. Apparently some guys aren't into saving the world when it comes to yellow toilet water. I, on the other hand, say "if its yellow, let it mellow" but in this case, all gets flushed. I'd rather not have a disagreement over pee water. There are other more important issues, that can be discussed once a stronger foundation is built. (Don't worry Ali, I will still flush the toilet)
8. Just because you live together, doesn't mean you can walk around in ratty underwear. "What about ratty running shorts?"
9. Pets comes 1st. Always. Don't even try to change the rules. "...there were three in the bed and the little one said 'roll over, roll over'..." In this case, the "little one" is Puffy, and she is telling me to "roll over, roll over" and leave her and Daddy alone. Go back to Number 5.
10. Be honest with yourself and never do anything with resentment. That's just not cool. "I stayed in Bangkok for you, and you won't even take out the garbage?!?!"..."I went to Iran to make money for us, and you won't flush the toilet?!?!"
11. Don't try to change anyone, just accept and be happy. "So maybe I don't want to flush the toilet"...okay bad example. No good examples here. If it's an issue, bring it up, otherwise, let go and move on. Habits can be changed, character can not.
12. If you are upset with each other, and aren't quite sure if you are overreacting, talk to a reliable friend 1st. "He went to bed without saying goodnight to me! I should go back to India, right?"..."No, I think he was probably just tired, and you may be overreacting"..."Okay, I'll give him another shot. I mean he did go to Iran to make money for us." (Thanks to all the unmentionable reliable friends everywhere)

Now to comment on an earlier post "Bangkok Cara"...I can order food with confidence in Thai (even if that means ordering the same thing over and over) and my back is becoming more flexible, so with this said, coming to Bangkok was a good idea :)

Penang Curry in a Hurry

Weekend 1 I arrove to Phuket with McKinley.
Weekend 2 I arrove to Bangkok at Ali's.
Weekend 3 I went to Khaw Yai National Park with Ali and Puffy.
Ooops, my VISA is up...Weekend 4 (this weekend) I fly to Penang, Malaysia to renew my VISA and to explore a city in 48 hours. I rush back to my new found love, Puffy, and to my Thai language class (of which I am missing 2 and will need a private tutor on Wednesday to catch up).

Bangkok Cara

Learning the Art of Thai Massage

I checked my phone today for any missed messages. I didn't actually expect any since Ali is the one who got me the phone and is the only person that actually knows the number, but I checked because it felt strangely soothing to think of the possibility. I checked my cell phone while waiting on the skytrain platform as I listened to my ipod. When I got on the train I looked around and saw a few people sporting similar white buds from their ears looking down and fumbling through the ipod menu with the same music ADD I used to have in NY. I listen to Krishna Das and smile as I gaze at the large buildings whizzing past me.

I am in Bangkok and I am learning the Thai language (as well as Indian head massage). I take the train to and fro and sit in the class for three hours daily practicing the five (!) tones with my five other Japanese classmates. We have all been in this crazy city for less than two weeks but have no end date so we all chose to learn the language with hopes of sounding like a "local".

I am living with Ali, an Iranian yogi I met at Sivananda in India, and his lovely miniature pincher, Puffin. The three of us make a lovely little family. Everyday we meditate, practice yoga, run, swim and cook. Puffin's energy outlasts us, but she patiently waits when we sit in silence. We fill our week with visits to yummy veg restaurants and dinner dates with Ali's friends. Sometimes we go to the movies, sometimes we watch movies (hello cable television!). I have a really nice life here and the idea of going back to India is a mere dream at this point. The only thing missing from this is teaching yoga...but I am working on that. Also, trips to the mountains, but we have a car and plan to go often.

I don't plan too far out these days but I'll let you know the immediate plan. Ali will go to Iran for a month to teach yoga and I will stay here living his life - his apartment, his car, his dog, his language school, his yoga school, his friends. When he comes back, then we go on holiday. Where? I'll let you know the week before. So not too much of a plan, but hopefully I'll be able to ask for vegetarian noodles in Thai and be able to do full Salabasana by the end of this.

India - Singapore

Chakrasana at Kids Yoga Camp in Neyyar Dam India

So it's been a little while since my last entry and I can explain... See I have been doing the yoga thing for the past few months which leaves little free time for, well, anything. My days start earlier than most - between 4:15 - 4:40 am - and ends around 11 pm. In the past month I have been working at a yoga centre in New Delhi filling my days with meditation, chanting, teaching, eating, practicing and karma yoga. Every other day my Japanese roommate and I treat ourselves to a trip the local market for a delicious 30 Rs mango smoothie. My days are long and simple. I have never been happier in my life. There is something wonderfully brilliant when days just merge into one another.

I can't put words down to describe the past few months and how much they have changed me, but I will say that I am anxious to get back to India. My VISA has expired so I am in Singapore for a few days before heading to Thailand for some months. I have met so many wonderful people the past few months and I am certain that I have met some in a past life. I always knew I had to be in India.

Upper Dharamshala, Home of the Dalai Lama

McLeodganj

Buddhism began in the foothills of the Himalayas in India with Siddhartha Guatama who is believed to be a reincarnation of the Hindu God Vishnu. Even though Buddhism is virtually non-existent in India today, it is home to many Tibetan Buddhist refugees including His Holiness the Dalai Lama in a small hill station named McLeodganj.

McLeodganj, named after a British lieutenant governor of Punjab, or “little Tibet”, is 250 km from Chandigarh in the foothills of the Himalaya. After an 8-hour bus journey through the night, we arrive to cold and rainy Dharamshala.

The city is tiny and filled with novelty stores, temples, and tourists amongst an awe-inspiring landscape. If I hadn’t been to Nepal prior, I would have been more impressed. Now that I am back in the mountains, I want more. Next stop is to Gangotri, via Rishikesh, to see where the mighty Ganga originates.

License to Wed

Chandigarh Rock Garden

So I am back at Alok and Neegam’s place in Chandigarh. They are both still at work and Didi (or sister in Hindi) arrived and has already washed the dishes and prepared dinner. Cub left to meet a potential wife. His father is trying to get him married and has even joined a matrimonial site (check www.shaadi.com). It’s like online dating but worse. Cub has expressed no interest in an arranged marriage but entertains the suggestions out of respect for his parents. They claim that this will be the last one. Anyway, before heading to Chandigarh, we stopped in Pritalia to pick up his cousin who will accompany him to meet the girl and her family.

At the house, Cub’s Master Ji (Mom’s elder sister) asked why he doesn’t just marry me. “She’s not too short. In fact, she’s taller than her (pointing to her daughter-in-law).” Wow.

I am watching License to Wed. It’s actually funny.

So anyway Cub is back and told me the girl was pretty but she is a city girl. The only city girl he wants is me. Ha.

Flower Girl

The Wall between the Farm Houses

After breaking fast, I crossed over the roof to Surrinder and Harpal’s house. Cub and Jaspal are still in Delhi resolving a rice paddy issue with the exporter and I couldn’t bare to watch another Indian soap. So watching soaps with Surrinder and accompanying Harpal to town for some design work, was how I spent my day.

Upon crossing the great wall, Mischief threatens to bite me. I get into a ball and Surrinder comes running out telling the dog that she is going to beat him. I really adore her.

I am offered tea and a sweet and we sit and watch Indian soaps. This time I am explained to in English what is going on. We watch three soaps (or serials, as they call them) – one is about 5 sister in laws that are causing trouble for the youngest, the second serial is set in Rajastan where the children marry at a very young age (the 9 yr old wife calls her 10 year old husband monkey and they are constantly fighting – as kids should be), and the last is about an adopted girl who is married to a man in a higher caste. All three involving marriage. `

In between commercial breaks, Surrinder tells me an interesting story about a recent wedding in her family. For her nephew’s wedding, Surrinder’s daughter, Rupali, and granddaughter came all the way from America to take part. The family was upset at Rupali for bringing her daughter along because it may cause the newly wed to have females instead of males. Eyebrows were raised whenever the small child would go near the bride. Needless to say, Indian weddings have nothing close to a flower girl. In fact, Surrinder told me that this happens a lot. Woman that have daughters are not to spend much time near the newly wed to prevent some invisible hormonal exchange.

Speaking of hormonal exchanges….now that I am not spending every moment with female travel partner, Bonnie, Aunt Flow arrived at the station right on time – about the only thing that arrives on time in India.